This All Happened: Cancun Edition

I'm really good at making single-serving friends, which is a really useful talent when you tend to travel solo. However, the standards for people you hope to hang out with while you're at a resort tend to be lower than those you'd set for people you consider your inner circle. That's not to say these aren't great folks - they're just not people I'm going to completely open up to the way I might with someone I've known for years.

It's what happens when you spend an hour at the hotel bar talking with a couple about their lives, their goals, their hopes, and you walk away from that conversation thinking that seemed like a thoughtful, decent couple. The next time you see them, they're all "we bought a timeshare!" and I'm thinking I should probably update my opinion of these people from thoughtful and decent to just decent.

In case it needs repeating, if you buy a timeshare, you're making a horrible investment. Many people will look at you like you're an idiot, and in the context of that one decision they're not wrong to do so, because you've made a stupid decision. If you lit 10 grand on fire, at least you'd get an Instagram picture out of it, and considering how many people are trying to sell timeshares they regret purchasing at any given time, that's the low end of what you're pissing away buying directly from a company that sells timeshares.

That's why, when someone tells you they just bought one, the first words out of your mouth should be "can you cancel the purchase?" and not "Wow! You guys really didn't come across as suckers when we were hanging out earlier."

I drink less than I used to, even on vacation, so I thankfully said the former, but I'd be full of shit if I said I wasn't thinking the latter.

The other moment came when I made some friends on the way to the club. We were drinking, dancing, singing, having a wonderful time... and then one of them came back from the bathroom a little different.

Lest you think I'm being subtle, the first words out of their mouth were "I just did a couple lines in the bathroom and I am high as fuck."

When I travel to Mexico, I really only go by one rule: don't buy drugs. Getting blitzed can be fun, but getting caught by Mexican cops with illegal substances... well, if you suffer from any degree of affluenza, you're going to have a bad time. Even if you don't have it, even if you're on the cheapest trip you could find and you had to save up for 6 months to afford it, they're going to treat you like you're showing symptoms. And that's the way it should be. The supply chain for cocaine wreaks incomprehensible havoc and bloodshed on Latin American countries, and it's driven by demand. Compared to buying weed in Canada, it's not like there's anything you could credibly call Ethical Blow.

So I'm a little worried for this friend. I ask if they're still carrying, and of course they are. I know you want this story to end with me helping with the leftovers, but sadly it doesn't, not for lack of trying on my part. By the time I got the courage up to suggest we hold off until we got back to the hotel where they don't have security stationed by the bathrooms, the response was "Oh, we did the rest 20 minutes ago (yes it took me this long to ask), but just ask in the bathroom and they'll hook you up." I laughed at the idea, and that's when it occurred to me that most of the group I was hanging out with was Hispanic. They were Canadians just like me, but they were mostly 1st and 2nd-generation immigrants. And it occurs to me that maybe, just maybe, people who look like locals don't have to worry so much about getting hassled by cops on the lookout for tourists to bust. I can kinda relate to that. My backpack is Canadian-flag free. I try to avoid looking like a tourist when I travel.

The notion set off my privilege-dar, which for a straight white dude is kinda like being presented with a unicorn covered in razor blades. You're simultaneously thinking "holy shit!" and "this is a situation that needs to be handled with some delicacy" and probably "best to let it be" if you're sober. I was not sober, so I brought it up jokingly because even though "I was just joking" is a bullshit excuse for saying awful things, it also works more often than it should. We all had a really good laugh about it. It may have been the coke for them. For me, it was just relief.

Next vacation I'll probably just go to Jamaica. Less stress.


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