I'm A Pickup Pragmatist

Been a lot of discussion of Pickup Artists lately. I'm not generally a fan of the idea. I don't like treating women like objects to rack up on a scorecard, I don't like manipulating women emotionally, the concept of "negging" strikes me as pretty foul business.

And yet, this is what OkCupid has to say about my personality:

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When I look at my romantic history compared to my peers in discussion, it becomes clear that I've had more sexual partners than most people I know. This wasn't who I set out to be... it's just the natural outcome of a set of attitudes I don't think are unhealthy. This is my attempt to hash those out and define a worldview that doesn't make me anything I'm not.

  1. I never want to make a woman uncomfortable. I don't typically flirt with a woman until I get the impression from them that they're open to it. I can push myself to walk up to a group of people, introduce myself, and strike up conversation, but I've always felt that to do so would be an act of arrogance and assumption that their night would be better with me in it. That's always struck me as conceited, but I'll admit to re-evaluating it recently. I do think I'm awesome, I'm just not inclined to force myself upon people.
  2. On any given night, I could meet the one. Or, if not her, a woman I'd want to pursue a serious relationship with if the feeling was mutual. Some places and some occasions have higher likelihoods than others. But the odds of it happening while sitting in my apartment are pretty much nil.
  3. If I don't meet Ms. Right, Ms. Right Now is a totally acceptable substitute in the short term. Sex is fun, and I wish we could be more open about that as a society. It's always better when there's an emotional engagement there, but if there's a woman who would like to explore the fun they can have with my body while I do the same with theirs... that can be a totally worthwhile way to spend an evening. I'm not saying I have no regrets, but I don't regret the sex I've had.
  4. Ms. Right is inevitably the endgame. I enjoy going out for drinks and coming home with someone more than I enjoy going out for drinks and coming home alone. That doesn't take away from the reality that my first choice is to have someone I know wants to come home with me because we've been together for a while, love each other's company, and write each other goofy romantic texts when we're apart.

This isn't me moping and wishing I had someone. Doing that doesn't help. But I've been in situations where I've fallen stupid crazy head over heels in love in the past, and I haven't had that in a long time. I miss that feeling, and I want to get it back. I just don't know where to begin. So I keep doing what I'm doing, which has paid dividends in the past, and keep working towards that one time in a hundred when the stars align just so. Every guidebook and advice column I've read has told me to pursue something I'm okay with as the end-all be-all goal of existence, that quantity trumps quality. To hell with that. I'd rather pursue what actually makes me happy.


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